How to breakup in a toxic relationship?
Written by: Rudrapriya TG
When we love someone unconditionally for too long, we tend to not think rationally. We let our emotions cloud our judgment and we ignore the red flags until it causes some serious damage. At which point- it’s okay to be not okay.
However, our strength isn’t (or shouldn’t be) measured by how much pain we can endure, it lies in our ability to let go of someone when it no longer serves our growth. It lies in choosing self-love above all else.
And if you’re here, then you’ve already displayed some of that strength. You’re making the hard decision to let go of that toxic relationship. So kudos to you!
In this blog post, we talk about how to go about this- how to end a long-term relationship that has turned toxic by following this simple list of do’s and don’ts.
Here are some things that are essential for you to do at this point.
Face facts- First, write down all the reasons why you’re going trough with this break-up, and what caused you to finally take this decision. Start from the beginning, and don’t hold back, pour your heart and soul into this and let it inspire you to stay stronger than your feelings, because believe it or not, your heart will do everything in its power to make you reconsider.
Identify red flags- These are the signs which indicate that your relationship has turned toxic. If you can relate to more than three, you need to take a step back, re-evaluate your choices, and plan your next move accordingly.
Talk to someone you trust a 1000%- Someone who can support you all the way; someone who wants what’s best for you. If you're not comfortable in sharing all the gruesome details that’s ok, too! Just notify them of your plans beforehand. We’ll see why shortly…
You may wonder why not just talk to your partner openly? This comes a little later in the list because if your relationship has turned toxic, there’s a chance your partner will manipulate you into staying with them when you know it’s no longer good for your mental health. They will promise to change and even show tiny signs of improvement till you’re convinced and they’ll repeat the same destructive patterns because they got away with it once.
Seek professional help- Another sign of strength is, knowing when to ask for help. This kind of toxic relationship usually takes a huge toll on your mental health. And, a therapist will give you the right tools to empower yourself to leave.
Saying good-bye- Have an open and honest conversation with your partner about what you want and why you’re choosing to leave in a clear and calm manner.
If you're in a situation where talking to them hinders your plans of leaving, for example, you are living together and breaking up means one of you has to move out, and they’re being difficult, that’s when you call your confidant. This person- your best friend, brother/sister, or former roommate- will bring a car if you need to break out or a cavalry if you need to help your partner move out.
Seek legal help- In case you're in a long-term marriage, it's highly important for you to consult with a lawyer. Because divorces can get messy, fast and furiously. Especially if it involves a custody battle.
Block- Block and delete their contact on every social media platform as well as on your phone.
While you’re in throes of heartbreak, these are the pitfalls you must avoid.
Don’t confide in random people, (for example, a colleague) in your life. Not everyone you meet is a friend or has good intentions.
Never drunk-dial/text your partner.
Avoid confiding in your ex about your current relationship problems. No good will ever come of that. In fact, avoid being friends with your ex altogether.
Don’t “accidentally” on purpose sleep with someone else to avoid having the unpleasant conversation or in the hopes of accelerating the break-up! It will only make things worse and add to your self-loathing.
Don’t blurt it out or let them trigger you into revealing your plans.
Don’t post your problems or about your break-up on social media for everyone to see.
In the end, what’s important is that you leave the relationship with a little bit of dignity, protect your mental peace and health, and stitch your heart back together with gold.